A tongue in cheek look at the last day of the WSL. By Allie Coker
We look into what a win, draw or loss will do to each team as the final day draws closer.
And delve into what the repercussions maybe at the final whistle.
Let's start with West Ham V Arsenal. Mainly because a title depends on it and mainly because I am a West Ham fan and its my article so there!
Arsenal have had an up and down season. Mainly up with a terrible case of the January blues. Having looked like they clinched the title back in December, a crazy start to 2022 saw their hopes slip away. A jump back into form has brought the title to final day.
West ham's season has also been rocky starting off with a loss to Brighton and a string of draws. So many draws. A win at Man City which no one expected set them on to a better path. However their performances have been on and off more times then a light switch.
So lets begin.
Win: A win for the Gunners and loss for Chelsea means they clinch another title. In doing so they keep their star striker who is itching to leave, enter the Champions league on a better footing and be able to chant that the City is red until August when it all begins again. Also it should allow them some more funds to get better designed kit. Don't at me you know both the tube and Stella McCartney collab was an abomination against fashion and the eyes.
Draw: A draw again the Hammers and a Chelsea loss would still clinch the title due to Goal Difference. A less convincing win of the title but still enough to keep the GOAT. A draw and a Chelsea Win will make Arsenal the bridesmaid and not the bride. A new contract for Jonas may not be enough to keep some players.
Loss: A loss will mean they come second regardless of the Chelsea score. This will be the worse case albeit unlucky. Guaranteed loss of players who would like more silver ware. Endless ribbing from both Chelsea Fans and Tottenham fans as their draw may have cost them the title.
Win: A miracle so massive that Victoria Road will become a site of pilgrimage. With a Tottenham loss West Ham would go fifth their highest ever position. Bragging rights over Spurs will be rightfully won. More funds for the team and be able to keep big players whilst attractive other. But the Spurs bit will be the most important.
Draw: A slighter lesser miracle but one none the less. Remain 6th regardless of the Brighton result due to goal difference. However still highest points tally which again should give West Ham bargaining power next season.
Loss: The more inevitable outcome. However anything other than a Brighton Win will keep West Ham 6th overall not a bad end for the Hammers. Also a loss may allow them to keep the girlfriend winger of the Gunners striker. The hope and heartbreak will come August with some new faces donning the claret and blue. #coyi.
Next up is the other title decider Chelsea vs Manchester United. This has a higher stake for both teams then the previous match. With both teams needing the win for a higher purpose.
Chelsea's start was not slow as such but more an shock loss to rivals Arsenal. Another loss to Reading which was unexpected lead them to trail their north London rivals for most of the season. But with help from some some unexpected sources they have managed to reclaim top spot.
Manchester United has had a phenomenal season having been chasing for the final champions league spot. Some losses from expected sources and some wins in others Manchester United have had a season to be proud of. Unfortunately local rivals Manchester City have managed to catch up in great style to put the final nail in the coffin.
Win: A win for the Blues guarantees a successive win for the club. Making them one of the most successful teams in current history. Once again bragging rights will be obtained and many feel will settle the Viv vs Sam debate over who is the greatest farm yard animal. With a new ownership pretty much guaranteed. They will be able to keep key pieces including Manager Emma Hayes. No USWNT for her ( sorry Sara)
Draw: If they draw and Arsenal win then they will lose the League on goal difference. The most painful way possible. Bragging rights will be returned to Arsenal. They lose a few players but like the Hydra, you cut one off and other will appear in their place.
Loss: A loss is not that traumatic other than if Arsenal win. A plus side is they will then screw long time rivals Manchester City out of a Champions League place if they lose.
Win: A win is vital to the Manchester United campaign. If Manchester City lose then they will claim the all important Champions League spot. Therefore confirming they are no longer the little minnow that once was. It will also allow them to attract the talent they have been craving since reforming in 2018. Plus the all important bragging rights.
Draw: A draw will end their campaign in 4th a position they know quite well. Whilst it will feel like such a blow they should be proud of their season. Hopefully this will allow them to get rid of some dead weight in their squad and I am not just picking on Zelem. Streamline and strengthen and they will be back.
Loss: The same as draw but with more shouty fans.
Next game we are moving on to is the Second City Derby Aston Villa v Birmingham city.
Aston Villa have had a low key season. A near draw at Chelsea has been the biggest noise they have made to be honest. Wins where expected and losses where expected. Carla has done well to keep the squad together despite some injuries and allowed players to boost their playing time for the national squad.
Birmingham's season has been nothing short of a disaster. Despite an unexpected victory against Arsenal. It has been pretty painful to be a Brum fan this year. Losing Carla and a lot of players to rivals Villa. As well as stories coming out about the treatment players have received. The already relegated blues are going to have a last hurrah.
Win: doesn't really change much for other Claret and Blue team. Some bragging rights for are. But that might feel a little crass due to the dire season Birmingham ham have had. It will be a nice send off to Anita Asante who has called time on her extraordinary career.
Draw: Again does not change much for Villa
Loss: They loss bragging rights and if Everton Win will drop a place in the league. Other than that no real consequences.
Win: Whilst it does not change their relegation status it will give players an incentive to stay. Help them jump back up into the WSL and get over this blip. And again bragging rights.
Draw: Another point on the tally wouldn't hurt.
Loss: Just another kick in the teeth on an already painful season. Especially to Aston Villa.
Reading is another team who has had a low key season. A win against Chelsea being a highlight. Their performances have been a little up and down which is expected due to the loss of key figures last season. Unlucky with some injuries they should bounce back next season
Manchester City have a little more jeopardy. Injury stricken at the beginning of the season. They lost to a lot of teams unexpectedly however have pulled themselves back up as the league has continued.
Win: With other teams losing they could leap frog up to 6th which would be a good base to jump from next season. Plus its nice to go out on a win.
Draw: A draw and a Brighton loss would mean they go up to 7th. Which again is a decent place to jump from. Hopefully strengthen and regroup.
Loss: Keeps them in 8th which is a less good place to jump from. May struggle to gain some impactful signings next season.
Win: A win and a Manchester United loss to gain third and restore the status quo and them attempting to further than the prelim rounds of the Champions league. It will hopefully encourage some more players to sign and gel in. Or it might end in players leaving after a season as per usual.
Draw: A draw will still allow them to remain third regardless of the Manchester United result due to goal difference. Manchester city have been very skilled/lucky to get back where they are.
Loss: If Manchester united win they end up 4th which will end up with some players leaving for more dizzying heights. However sliver lining is Taylor might finally leave/ get fired.
Brighton has a dream start to the league with back to back wins and were hovering around 3rd and 4th for a while. Then some very drastic loss lead to them to slide down to 7th where they have remained. This weekend its pretty much about pride before the end of the season.
Everton managed a unfortunate record this season by having fired two managers in one season. Something no other club has even managed. Despite many marquee signings the club have had one of the worst seasons in recent years.
Win: A win and a West Ham loss will allow them to jump to 6th which will be a good end. Hope Powell has talked about planning for future success with Brighton so a win will be good for this.
Draw: A draw would mean the club does not move from 7th . No real impact Unless Reading win then its back down to 8th.
Loss: If Reading win its back to 8th. A very disappointing end to such a promising start.
Win: A win could stave off the inevitable exodus. Which would make Everton's problems repeat next season. You know like a Flintstones back ground. Just the same thing over and over again. New players come in, take too long to bed in till then end of the season where it is too late.
Draw: Due to the teams below them they will remain comfortably 10th. However comfortable 10th can feel.
Loss: See the above with more uncomfortable feelings.
Last but not least its Tottenham versus Leicester.
Tottenham like Brighton started off the season really well. A win over Manchester City and other teams found themselves 3rd for a long time. However where as the teams surrounding them gained momentum they lost theirs and slid down the table.
Leicester did the great escape. Having been bottom of the table for the first half of the season with next to no points. A change in manager they came out flying. Defeating Birmingham and making sure they secured their place in the WSL next season.
Win: A win for Spurs will cement them in fifth which is the highest they have ever been. This will allow them to get a striker they desperately need. Spurs are a team on the up. Unfortunately. ( that was a joke Spurs fans don't at me)
Draw: Keeps them 5th even with a West Ham win. So the same as the win.
Lose: Only is important if West Ham win. Well done Spurs.
Win: Completes the comeback and everyone is happy
Draw: Completes the comeback and everyone is happy.
Lose: A less interesting end to their season but still completes the comeback. Everyone is slightly less happy.
There we go folks what every game means to every team.
Please remember to take my opinions as they were intended. Salty then a fast food workers skin.
See you next season folks.